Part 2 – A Life Worth Living

I'm Too Busy (Discovery #2)

Wow… if that first story, its impact on my life and the new way of living life of “Discovery #1” was intense… this next one is 10 times greater!!

But first, I want to thank everybody for the outpouring of amazing comments and private messages from the first post in what is now a 3-part series. It means a lot to me and I’m extremely grateful to hear from all of you!

One of the coolest parts have been the comments and messages from people who were inspired that having a down period in your life or business is normal and not unique to you.  That until yesterday you too felt alone and isolated about whatever you are going through (or went through) but now have a little more hope and inspiration that a brighter future is waiting for you.

And second, want to make sure it is clear that I’m in an amazing positive place right now!!

The past several years I’ve been living life very incongruently. I knew it, felt it, saw the impact of it, but until these past 2 weeks had no idea why or how to change any of it. I now have amazing clarity and direction moving forward and get to wake up every day excited and alive!

OK, back to the story.

When we left off it was Day 1 as I was re-taking the Forum and discovered the “weight” I took on, and kept piling on, from 2009 when I faced the possibility of failing and felt I was in it all alone.

Then I saw the impact that caused of creating a roller coaster of ups and downs in my business and causing me to get to the point that I had no passion or motivation or connection with the business and I “shut down”.

And from that discovery created the new possibility of Being Alive… waking up each morning excited, motivated and passionate once again for what we do.

Well, honestly, I felt all my problems were solved and had smooth sailing for the next 2 days of the Forum.

Little did I know I had only pulled back one layer of the onion. The really good stuff was still to come!

At the end of the first night, as we examined the recurring habitual ways of being that we each uniquely have in our lives that get in the way of our greatness, I locked onto what is hands-down my biggest one in my business and personal life.

For as long as I can remember I’ve used some version of the expression “I’m Too Busy” to control every single relationship in my life. From the people who work for me, the business relationships I have, my friends, my family and even myself.

Universally I made sure everybody related to me through the filter of “He’s Too Busy.”

If the way everybody sees and relates to me is “Kevin Is Too Busy” then that put me 100% in control of every relationship I had because I could decide when I wasn’t too busy to talk, to reply back to an email, to work together, to meet for dinner, to do anything together.

What power I wielded over my life!!!

It also meant I was robbing myself of being fully connected with anybody.

However my great power also came with even greater consequences.

As I walked home that night, and started looking back first in my business life and the amazing people who came into my life over the years, the impact of living a life of “I’m Too Busy” gave me a Mike Tyson punch to the gut.

Every  single  person that came into my life through business in my early years was no longer present in my life today.

Many of these people were once my most cherished friends or mentors.

Now… not a few of them, nor even a lot of them, but 100% of them were no longer present in my life.

Not in a bad way, all of them if I reach back out I could instantly rekindle that friendship or connection we had.

But that relationship and connection that was once there was dead (or more accurately dormant).

And for the rest of my walk home I spiraled deeper into realizing how far reaching this impacted my life.

Next was the mental check with the friends I’ve had in my life.

Yep the exact same thing, starting with grade school, then high school, then college, then my 20’s, then my early 30’s… gradually over time I subtly would create more and more separation until they were no longer an active part of my life and in essence “gone”.

Finally family, well I already knew my entire adult life I created the reality of being physically, mentally and emotionally “separated” from my family. I loved them completely, but I definitely was actively present in their lives.

Next I took inventory of the people in my life today.

From business to friendships, for each person I could see where they were either in the process of being moved out or only a matter of time before they would be.

For example…

  • For many people reading this, who have been to our events or invested in our training courses over the years, you personally experienced this.

This excerpt from a facebook message I got last night from one of our customers who went through a couple of our live events several years ago does a good job summing it up…

“Just today, I decided to unsubscribe from all your email messages. What a coincidence that you write your facebook post 3 hours ago. Since just before (the event she attended) up to now you changed. I cannot say that I ever really 'knew' you but it was a 'feeling' I had about you. You were passionate at your seminars where you were going to fill a stadium of successful millionaire entrepreneurs… then … you weren't.

After the event you completely changed, didn't feel as warm, sincere or welcoming. It felt like you were hiding something, or that you were uneasy about something. Wasn't something I could put my finger on at the time but now I'm able to put words to what I observed and felt. 

I have spent a lot of money with Nitro, always hopeful that it was my way out. I didn't mind spending money at Nitro because I really liked YOU. I believed in YOU and your company and really felt that you would give me good direction and that you cared. 

But since the event it was so different. You changed. You started doing things non-Nitro like. I give you so much credit for your post. Now I have a better understanding of what you've been going through. Thank you. Hope to see you around. BTW… I did not unsubsrcibe. I got to the page and couldn't do it!”

This is the biggest regret I’m sorry for from the past several years… because of the weird place I was at and how that changed the way I “showed up” and approached business and the decisions I made, it alienated and pushed away many  of the people we as a company were able to connect with over the years due to our training.

The 100's and 100's of people I personally got to know love and respect over the years and the 1000's of people who believed in us have gradually "moved on".

And again I’m truly sorry for “pushing” you away!  (It's also been amazing hearing from so many people the past 24 hours that I get to reconnect with!)

And a few more examples…

  • The 5 close friends I made 6 years ago through Strategic Coach, who for 6 years were a critical part of my business life, I had just completed in September my final separation with them after a subtle 1 year process.  (It was scary how elegant, natural and under the radar my subconscious mind was able to accomplish their removal for absolutely no reason at all!)
  • Virtually every friend I had from living in Dallas I skillfully removed them from my life by moving to New York 18 months ago and deciding to never go back.
  • My CEO Braintrust group (aka the board advisors for my business and life the past 6 years… people that mean the world to me) I’ve been doing my damndest the past year to also remove them from my life. I’m so grateful they refused to allow me to do so!
  • And Teressa, the president of my company, well this was a tough one to complete the removal. She does a phenomenal job, we work great together and there would be no reason for me to get rid of her from Nitro but she was past my unconscious self-imposed “expiration date”… so my subconscious hatched the ingenious plan of shrinking the company to a size financially where it wouldn’t be possible for her to be there anymore.

Clearly nothing was off limits to create separation with the people in my life, my subconscious was even willing to sacrifice my livelihood if necessary.

In that moment walking home it became painfully obvious that…

I lived life 100% committed to creating separation, with everybody.

First making it really really hard to become a part of my life. (Fortunately so many amazing people saw who I am as a person and did whatever it took become a part of my life.)

Then once you did get into my life it was only a matter of time before I removed you from it. It didn’t matter who you were, I wasn’t going to let you stay around for too long.

Up until that moment I was silently on a path to die an old man who successfully created separation with every meaningful person who would come into my life.  Talk about ending life full of regret!

Well, that just really sucked.  lol

As I shared this realization with a friend that night on the phone, I ended the conversation saying I have absolutely no idea what possibility to create out of this right now.

The weight of living my entire life that way was massive.

But I was also really, really curious and excited to discover what caused little Kevin Wilke to create this belief back when I was a little kid, so I could then replace it with something just as powerful but also serves me in life moving forward.

Thankfully within an hour that next morning both the experience and the new possibility I wanted to create came to me.

And you know what caused it all?

Nope, there was no crazy trauma inducing, psychologically destroying tragic incident.

Instead, when I was 6 years old while sitting in our kitchen at the farm back in Iowa with my parents and all their friends, my mom made the very innocent harmless comment of “oh Kevin, he’s the quite shy one”.

And in that moment, with the mind of a 6 year, I created the story of “there’s something wrong with me, and everybody sees it” that up until a week ago was THE story of my life… and no amount of overwhelming evidence to the contrary was going to prove me wrong!

From that day forward I lived the next 32 years of my life living small and committed to making sure nobody saw “there was something wrong with me”.

It was in that moment of clarity that I choose to live a life of Acceptance and Presence.

First accepting myself and my own innate greatness given to me as a human being and choosing to living life big.

Second accepting that others see my greatness as a person and want me, and who I am as a human being, to be a part of their life.

Finally living life being present in the lives of the people who are important to me.

Since then its been an exciting time going back and "cleaning up" not being present in the lives of people really important to me. I'll just share one of those experiences with you then wrap up this post.

It was that same Saturday night when I called my mom to share with her everything I wrote above because out of all the people my way of being these past 32 years impacted, I’m sure the biggest impact was her never truly having her son fully present in her life.

I was excited to give her the best gift possible, the gift of her son finally being 100% present in her life. (I’m embarrassed to admit I can count on 1 hand the number of times I’ve talked to my mom on the phone this year.)

When I finished sharing I then had to humbly ask for help.

Help in how to be present in her life and hers in mine because as crazy as it might sound, I had zero idea how to actually be that way after spending my entire adult life not that way. It both baffled me and scared me at the same time!

She then told me a beautiful story about my younger brother. How a daily phone call from him, usually just a couple minutes and about nothing, got her through the hardest time in her life 2 years ago.

In her sharing it allowed me to realize I could actually call my mom (or really anybody… I’ve always said I had a slight phobia of using the phone and would avoid using it at all costs), at least once a week, and it didn’t matter what we talked about or for how long… being present could be that simple. (I know, I know, sounds so simple but it was revolutionary realization to me!)

Also she could call me anytime and if possible I would answer the phone, and if not would call her back and soon as I could (again the exact opposite way I've used the phone, with anybody.)

Then I gave the second best gift I could give my mom.

As she was saying how proud she is of the man I grew up to be, I became very present that what she saw in me that she admired the most – the quality of my character as a human being – came from her.  I am that way because of how she raised me and the man she wanted me to become.

She spent all these years admiring that in me but not knowing it was because of her. It felt amazing to realize that and then be able to share that with her!!

(Not to leave my Dad out, I got my drive, determination, work ethic and calmness from him!)

To wrap up part 2 of this 3 part series of “Living A Life Worth Living”

I sincerely want to earn, or re-earn, your trust to be present in your entrepreneurial life.

I’ve had a lot of amazing conversations with people in my life these past 10 days which inspired me to have this “conversation” with you, our customers and subscribers, because you are important to me.

As a company, we are committed to Inspiring, Teaching, Supporting and Empowering You To Transform Your Life (By Having a Successful Online Business)

And at the end of the day the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment, the thing that has driven me the most, is not the money nor the recognition but the people and their stories whose lives we were able to make an impact in.

Growing up as a kid and seeing my parents struggle financially as farmers and eventually loose the farm, and the impact it had on them and us kids, left an imprint on me to use my talents, skills and abilities so others don’t have to go through your own financial struggle.

Whether its making your first dollar, or getting your first client, or making your first $10,000 month or quitting your job and doing this business full-time…  I will be your biggest champion and your proudest supporter every step of the way.

Wherever you are currently at in your online business, I’ve been in your shoes once and just want to give you the new shoes I now have — with all the knowledge, experience and wisdom they carry with them — so you can walk in them and have and experience the life you dream of having with your own online business.

Coming Next in Part 3… “The Acceptance Of Greatness”

(You can read the third and final part in this 3-part series here.)

In the meantime would love to hear from you, please feel free to leave a comment below!

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10 Responses to Part 2 – A Life Worth Living
  1. Kevin, As you have learned even in the last couple of days, you are not alone. As entrepreneurs,we often make choices not always knowing the consequences.

    Since you know me, I will share a little insight into my world. I built a $5M dollar landscape business over 12 years and sold it for $1.7M. Eight months after I sold it, I stepped into another business to help a friend, and I went against my personal code and invested a significant amount of money and energy in the business without doing all of my due diligence. Well 9 months later, I had lost all of the money I made selling the landscape company, and also an additional half million dollars.

    As I sat on your stage at several events, I felt like a fraud. I was and still am having success with online marketing. However, I never fully disclosed that I also had to file personal bankruptcy because of that one bad business decision, and we lost everything.

    In July, I was diagnosed with an Autoimmune Disorder, and for the first time in over 5 years am feeling good. I have lost 35 lbs, and am no longer on blood pressure or cholesterol medications.

    There is hope back in my life, and now I am working to take my business to the next level. I look forward to watching your transformation. It is amazing when you recognize how you have pushed people away and finally realize you want them back in your life.

    Best wishes and I look forward to part three.

  2. Dear Kevin
    You are awesome to share your emotions. I could relate to most of them i.e. slowly detaching myself from so many people in the past 2 years especially after my sister passed away and leaving my corporate job. If we can call this soul searching, then I hope you found yours and with your inspiring message, I am sure I will find mine.
    I am grateful that you are back with a new pair of shoes as this is a crucial time for me to have my mentor back. Thank you for the promise of the bright future- not only for you but for me too because I want to make a min of £20k a month in 2015 using the LBMM programme that I paid 2 years ago. I certainly need your support.
    Love to hear Part 3 – pls continue.
    God Bless you,

  3. Sheila

    Amazing post Kevin, thank you for sharing! I had no idea :)

  4. Ken

    Great insight and nice actions.

    Knowing that we all have the same amount of time in the day,
    and that how we allocate this precious resource that we can only spend/invest but NEVER get back, is the manifestation of value and the priorities we allow;

    the expression of "I'm too Busy" can be a hard one depending on where it is directed.

    I applaud your 'reconnecting' and expressing to those who do matter to you the importance they hold in your life and the value you give by investing your time into your relationship.

    No matter how many times they might be said;
    the expressions of "you are important to me",
    "I'm with you",
    "I love you", "I need your help" and especially
    "I forgive" and "Thank you" are expressions that generally can't be said too often.

    The encouragement flows both ways…Thanks for the posts.

  5. Marcus

    I can relate to that.
    I've noticed that I go through cycles of doing this in my life and have to be vigilant when the pattern re-surfaces again.

    Having just moved back to Australia from being overseas for 5 years, I am using it as a reason this christmas to get back in touch with those that I hold dear.

    Thank you for the reminder.
    and thank you for your promise to us all.

  6. Kevin,

    I am seeing some interesting parallels in your message. (I've been through Landmark too, years ago.)

    As I was reading your first post, I thought, I should give Kevin a call, but he's probably too busy…LOL

    Expect a call tomorrow. I was looking for pix from the 2010 cruise, I share 'em when I find 'em. I will be great to connect again.


  7. Ron Bradley

    Hi Kevin,
    Thank you for sharing your inner secrets, demons and thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to expose your under belly to the world. I received your invaluable message clearly and at just the right time. I hope to be under the Nitro spell of excitement, spirit of giving, learning, teaching and sharing to improve the world we live in for a long time.
    To Our Success in Life,

  8. Thanks Kevin,
    I have been trying to figure out what do I do next? I feel trapped and have had no clue how to do things online. I purchased 3 products from you last year hoping each time that that product would help me leave my job and support my family! I have now realized my biggest fire in me is to do something so my wife can leave her job. I have gone back to the products a couple of times but starting looking around for someone else to teach me and help me make the jump. Hearing your heart and your passion come back to life I hope to meet you one day and be a partner that will help create new products and inspire people all over the world!

  9. Hi Kevin,
    Wow! Man, can I relate! There are so many people who have been important to me in the past but are no longer there. I often think about that, but then think, "I am too busy to rekindle those connections. Plus, if I did, how am I going to nurture them going into the future? I'm just too busy." So I've not been actively looking for an answer, because I shut off the possibility of one as soon as I answer with, "I'm just too busy." Your post has opened the space for me to realize that I can be living in the question of how can I rekindle and nurture these relationships rather than in the answer of "being too busy".

  10. Hey sweet man… You need zero interpretation from me on this one. What an inspiring way for you to show up for yourself and others…

    You know I love you and as a member of that CEO group that won't let you go, I am and always and have always been so proud of you. Life is about discovery and I love being in your life and having you in mine.

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